Names will not be mentioned here as this is very personal.
When you think you have put things into perspective or at least aside just a little bit, the door is reopened. I have learned that just because you think you helped all you could, sometimes it's not to the limit's you are meant to go.
Fact: The First Offenders Act means when you successfully complete the terms of your sentence, your record would be expunged. Hidden away and not used against you in the case of acquiring employment etc.
Our son was killed in an automobile racing accident. Yes it was an accident and not directly an intent to kill my son, but due to poor judgment in participating in the race, it did indeed kill him. At the trial, we agreed to allow the boys involved be sentenced under the First Offender's Act. The individual driving the car my son was in was sentenced to 15 years (including probation). He has been out for two years and working at a place he worked prior to the accident. Now he is at the end of his contract and has an opportunity to be hired on as a full time employee (not just through a contract), but they won't if he has this incident on his record. I was contacted via e-mail through a mutual friend, stating that he didn't know how to approach us in asking if we would consider aiding him in getting his probation expunged, in order to gain permanent employment.
Like I said.... "the door reopened" and in walked memories.
Instead of replying to the e-mail, which I couldn't find the words to do, I instead played out different scenario's over the next couple of days. I guess I was trying to put all of my emotions into check and understand why I felt the way I did. I've never walked in so many shoes those few days, from my Son's, the driver of the car, the drivers parents (especially his Mom) and also taking into consideration the views of my Husband and Daughter.
I felt an overwhelming need to talk to the driver's Mom, so I made the call. She answered all of my questions that had made a home in my thoughts without me actually asking them. I felt I had made the right decision in contacting her. She said her son had a very hard time even dealing with the idea if he even deserved the right to ask for help and if it meant we had to go back to court in order to get his probation expunged, then that would be out of the question. He said he couldn't do that or let us go through that and told his lawyer such. His lawyer said only a letter would be needed and at that, still doesn't mean the Judge would rule in his favor, but he didn't know what else to do.
I told his Mom that it is OK that he called us, and that we may cry, but sometimes it's OK to cry. I told her that we are wanting to help and also gave her my e-mail in order for him to write in detail what is needed to show the Judge.
He served jail time, and has been out two years without anything else against him. Waiting eleven years to get his record expunged and get his life in order is to long. Asking this to continue is not forgiving and no healing can continue or begin in some cases (such as his). How can anyone even calculate how much someone is suppose to be punished? Especially in a case where the intent was not there.
His Mom said she also felt guilty for him asking for help, thinking at least she had her son. We had lost ours! I told her, in all actuality, she had lost her son also (at least in my eyes, I felt her pain as well as my own). She said she couldn't imagine anyone ever having such compassion and forgiveness as we have shown, but I told her something that I had shared with my daughter. "We do not feel the way we do for lack of love for our son, but it is the love we have FOR him". I'm sure it is beyond comprehension to understand the limits your mind can reach while in pain, but if we are to have faith at all, there is a power so much more powerful that holds us in his protective arms. GOD!
I slept good last night and feel at peace that I took the right turn in my path of life. Forgiveness without judgment, heals all!
